Love & Marriage

my best friend is getting married on 1 Jan. and i'm supposed to give a speech at her wedding dinner. drats! i hate to b on stage, i think i wil convulse n foam in the mouth on stage to avoid giving the speech. we've known each other since our teenage yrs and have had our fair share of "good friends" rivalry - bad relationships (once with the same guy summore, although not at the same time). and after we graduated from uni ,we lost touch for a while, but somehow along the way, we were brought back together, more mature, more willing to accept each other, including our differences in thoughts and values. but i do believe that God was there to hold and guard this friendship we have.

there are some things which we hold very dear to our hearts, especially things that were recovered which we thought we lost. especially bosom friends - when boyfriends come and go, i truly realised that yes it is our friends who stay by our side... apart from Jesus of course.

1 jan coincidentally is also my 3-months anniversary with charlie brown, it's been a really lovey-dovey 3 months, my romantic indulgence seems very obvious even to those whom i m not close to, male colleagues have commented at how contented i looked ever since the beginning of my romance.

it's been a really different relationship this one. with my previous ones, i never had the confidence of planning for marriage. even the 4-yr relationship i had, i dared not think abt going for PMC (aka pre-marital class). mostly because i wanted to be very sure that marriage was in the pipelines before going for the class. but with charlie brown, we're considering going for the next class my church is organising in Apr, we're barely 2 months into our relationship! i cant explain the change in me, my best fren comments that i am indeed different in this relationship, very "liberated" in her own words...

true, with him, i am extremely at ease with myself... and he still tolerates my tantrums, and never ever lost his patience with me. he is the first bf i have had that says when i cry, he can't do anything but say sorry, no matter whether he was in the wrong, he just wanted me to stop crying, cos his heart wrenches in pain when he hears me cry.

on one hand, i am so blissfully in love, so immersed in sweet-nothings and full of confidence that this is it. on the other hand, i am not a child, i know how ugly things can become. the devil's advocate in me keeps telling me i have only known him for 4 months, who knows what skeletons remains in some hidden closet? on one hand i want to announce to the world that i m truly happy in love, on the other hand, i fear having to explain to the world what happened if i ever break-up.

so do i still have my fears? of cos i do... but dun't we all? never quite satisfied with the present, never fully convinced that the good things we have wil stay with us... the cynic in me tells me to brace myself in case something bad happens... but wouldn't it be even sadder if i discover that i had not even fully ravelled in the joys of being in love?

so mayb that is what i am going to, to love him, to appreciate him, to treasure every moment we have together, to love truly, madly, deeply and hold on to the passion for as long as i can... and try to rekindle it in whatever way i can so that the flame keeps burning and burning and burning...

credit goes to him for never losing his patience with me, especially when i am particularly short-tempered when i am stressed abt my sales results. many times i look at him, and wonder to myself, what is it that i ever saw in him, to make me so in love with him, and somehow altho i can't seem to give a rational explanation... being in love with him seems to b the only rational thing to do.